I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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