There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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