About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
