Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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