you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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