I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
