the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
