my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
