Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You smell like stripper and shame
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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