a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
