Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
