you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
