My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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