I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
