I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the day after is always just damage control
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
