I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
