I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
