Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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