there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
