She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
