Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
