I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
