please come you make the beer taste better
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
