i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
