after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
