mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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