we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
