remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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