it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
