Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
