I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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