y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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