im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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