You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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