he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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