similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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