god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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