I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
