My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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