i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
