THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
