Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
