drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
