Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
