Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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