dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
