a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
