I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
