remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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