You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This girl is more easily done than said...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
