A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
