so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
