She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
